I decided to start going to therapy because my second relationship was about to end due to my inability to control my emotions. I felt completely out of control emotionally, and peace in my heartfelt impossible. A friend of mine, Letty, recommended for me to reach out to CVTC; they provide completely free of charge services to survivors of different forms of trauma.
Before therapy, I did yoga and worked out a lot, and although it was helping me get by, it was not addressing the trauma within me. Mental health sounded nice, but it seemed impossible for me to prioritize.
I recall going into my first session and breaking down. I told the therapist that I was tired, emotionally tired. The idea of opening up to a stranger did freak me out, but reliving childhood experiences in my thoughts and dreams was even worse. I wanted to feel free, to take in a deep breath without feeling like a huge knot was inside my lungs. The hardest part after that first session was to continue showing up. I remember getting to the door at CVTC multiple times and wanting to turn around. I’ve learned that when working with emotions, things always seem like they get worse before they get better. That’s because some wounds have to be reopened so they can heal properly.
Working with my therapist taught me to let go of the guilt and hate I felt. I was able to confront the abuser, find forgiveness, and turn my childhood experiences into the power that fuels me today. I do not have a relationship with the abuser, but I know I have forgiven him. I learned that feeling my emotions is totally okay, but letting them control my actions is not. I’ve learned to have more compassion with myself and others.
Two years after I started going to therapy my mom saw changes in me and she decided to seek help as well. This opened up the possibility of us breaking a long history of generational trauma. After her, my little brother started going, now my sister is thinking about it. Getting to live healthier and teaching others how to do the same has become my mission.
The best part of therapy for me is knowing that after every hard and emotional session comes a deep and freeing breath, peace. There are days still when I get triggered, but now I know how to ground myself—how to feel the emotion and listen to my inner child.